For me and my fellow Bravo family members, homecoming is right around the corner. I'm getting more and more calls, texts, and e-mails filled with questions about what to expect with the ceremony, and what reintegration can entail. So I thought now is a great time to share some of my opinions and tips. I have quite a bit to say about each, so for now I'll stick to before the bus pulls in. First of all, it's important to know that when we begin nearing the end of a deployment,
Everybody is on edge..
The guys are exhausted. They're wrapping up, say 9 months in a foreign country, likely having been performing mundane tasks day in and day out those months. They've been surrounded by the same guys, eating the same crummy food, and sleeping in the same uncomfortable bed for too long, and they're beat. They're ready to be home. And we're ready for them to be! We've been alone for 9 months (longer including training). Basically, emotions are high right now. Between exhaustion, anxiety, and excitement, we're all on the brink of a melt down! You begin to argue with one another. You may snap at someone for looking at you the wrong way. You may cry at some sappy commercial that you've seen 1,000 times and never been affected in the past. You're not going crazy!! What most people don't realize is that getting ready for a homecoming is stressful. (The nursing student in me really wants to tell you about the way stress affects hormones and what you're body is doing, but my family has made it clear to me that my science and anatomy "fun facts of the day" are not in fact "fun", and so I imagine this might not be as exciting to most of you all as it is to me:)
Think about it: we've settled into this new routine (that was a You-Know-What to settle into, by the way) and now it's going to be rearranged all over again. We're thinking things like, "How is he going to act when he comes home?", "Are things going to go back to normal?", "Will he be different?", "Will I?".
We're anticipating (not so patiently) the moment that we've been building up in our heads for months as it's finally approaching. It's exciting, it's nerve-wracking, and, as crazy as it sounds, it can be a little scary. If you notice you're more easily aggravated, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you're alone. Also...
It's okay to be nervous!!
In fact, it's a little great to be nervous! How many women do you know that can say that after 10, 5, even 2 years of marriage they get excited- I'm talking knots in their stomachs and shaky hands- when they see their husbands? How many people do you know who get to feel so moved by just the sight of their spouse that it brings them to tears? Outside of the military community, I know about zero. Embrace that feeling! Love that feeling! As I said in a recent post, we get the first kiss all over again. It's new and it's familiar at the same time, and it's perfect. We get to hold hands for the first time in months. The first date night feels like a first date. It's hard to explain- but after so much time apart, though you know your spouse, you kind of get to know them all over again. Things are different after a deployment. People are different. There's a reintegration process where you're learning how to be married and coexist all over again.. but I'm kind of getting off topic, and reintegration is a beast in and of itself that I'll talk about later. The point is- there's a lot to be anxious and nervous about, but focus on the exciting nervous part. And enjoy it!
Everybody is on edge..
The guys are exhausted. They're wrapping up, say 9 months in a foreign country, likely having been performing mundane tasks day in and day out those months. They've been surrounded by the same guys, eating the same crummy food, and sleeping in the same uncomfortable bed for too long, and they're beat. They're ready to be home. And we're ready for them to be! We've been alone for 9 months (longer including training). Basically, emotions are high right now. Between exhaustion, anxiety, and excitement, we're all on the brink of a melt down! You begin to argue with one another. You may snap at someone for looking at you the wrong way. You may cry at some sappy commercial that you've seen 1,000 times and never been affected in the past. You're not going crazy!! What most people don't realize is that getting ready for a homecoming is stressful. (The nursing student in me really wants to tell you about the way stress affects hormones and what you're body is doing, but my family has made it clear to me that my science and anatomy "fun facts of the day" are not in fact "fun", and so I imagine this might not be as exciting to most of you all as it is to me:)
Think about it: we've settled into this new routine (that was a You-Know-What to settle into, by the way) and now it's going to be rearranged all over again. We're thinking things like, "How is he going to act when he comes home?", "Are things going to go back to normal?", "Will he be different?", "Will I?".
We're anticipating (not so patiently) the moment that we've been building up in our heads for months as it's finally approaching. It's exciting, it's nerve-wracking, and, as crazy as it sounds, it can be a little scary. If you notice you're more easily aggravated, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you're alone. Also...
It's okay to be nervous!!
In fact, it's a little great to be nervous! How many women do you know that can say that after 10, 5, even 2 years of marriage they get excited- I'm talking knots in their stomachs and shaky hands- when they see their husbands? How many people do you know who get to feel so moved by just the sight of their spouse that it brings them to tears? Outside of the military community, I know about zero. Embrace that feeling! Love that feeling! As I said in a recent post, we get the first kiss all over again. It's new and it's familiar at the same time, and it's perfect. We get to hold hands for the first time in months. The first date night feels like a first date. It's hard to explain- but after so much time apart, though you know your spouse, you kind of get to know them all over again. Things are different after a deployment. People are different. There's a reintegration process where you're learning how to be married and coexist all over again.. but I'm kind of getting off topic, and reintegration is a beast in and of itself that I'll talk about later. The point is- there's a lot to be anxious and nervous about, but focus on the exciting nervous part. And enjoy it!
Banners and Balloons
If you are the wife that pulls up with banners and balloons for your husband- I think that's fantastic! I am right there with you! They're not everybody's style, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I enjoy making them and showing them off. Last deployment my mother in law and I sat in her basement and decorated posters for his entire family to hold and we had a fantastic time! This time around I'm planning on getting together with some of the other family members and decorating signs. It's a good time, and a great opportunity to hash out those feelings of excitement and nervousness you're feeling with people in the same boat. Keep in mind, though- at the redeployment ceremony there will be TONS of people hunting for their loved ones! Everybody is just as anxious to see his/her soldier step off that bus, so TRY to be mindful of obstructing others' view too much...
Guests at the Ceremony
There are a couple of theories on who "should" and "shouldn't" be at the ceremony. Some say if you're married, leave the in-laws at home and let that be your time with your spouse. Some say bring everybody, including your neighbor, and share the joy and excitement. There are some that think you should leave the kids with a sitter, and others are adamant about their attendance. I say, "to each his own". You and your soldier talk about it and decide who you want to be there with you, if anybody. Sure, get opinions or experiences from other military families if you want- but don't let someone tell you who you need to invite or leave at home. And, though I'm sure some disagree with me, I think that ceremony is as much for the loved ones who waited at home as it is for the guys coming back. If it were up to them, I think some soldiers would just assume skip the event all together. But I think the families need it. I think that not only do they need to know that so many acknowledge, appreciate, and want to celebrate these guys, but I think families also need that closure: the official end to a tough experience. I say this because I think that who you're bringing along with you should be up to both the soldier and spouse.
How you should dress
However you want!! Personally, I dress up. I put on a dress or skirt and heals. I fix my hair; I do my makeup. (This year I actually have a professional doing my make-up because she's FABULOUS: the one and only Molly McWhorter in Longview.) That's me, though. I believe in flying business-casual and sweat-pants stay inside the house! I love getting dressed up for Andy. I get all dolled up for our date nights and events- this is no different. I would like to think that all of the ladies would dress for their husbands for this occasion, but there's not exactly a dress code. Kids, parents, siblings, and friends- come as you'd like. But I do think a patriotic outfit is a great idea. It's fun to be festive!
If you are the wife that pulls up with banners and balloons for your husband- I think that's fantastic! I am right there with you! They're not everybody's style, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I enjoy making them and showing them off. Last deployment my mother in law and I sat in her basement and decorated posters for his entire family to hold and we had a fantastic time! This time around I'm planning on getting together with some of the other family members and decorating signs. It's a good time, and a great opportunity to hash out those feelings of excitement and nervousness you're feeling with people in the same boat. Keep in mind, though- at the redeployment ceremony there will be TONS of people hunting for their loved ones! Everybody is just as anxious to see his/her soldier step off that bus, so TRY to be mindful of obstructing others' view too much...
Guests at the Ceremony
There are a couple of theories on who "should" and "shouldn't" be at the ceremony. Some say if you're married, leave the in-laws at home and let that be your time with your spouse. Some say bring everybody, including your neighbor, and share the joy and excitement. There are some that think you should leave the kids with a sitter, and others are adamant about their attendance. I say, "to each his own". You and your soldier talk about it and decide who you want to be there with you, if anybody. Sure, get opinions or experiences from other military families if you want- but don't let someone tell you who you need to invite or leave at home. And, though I'm sure some disagree with me, I think that ceremony is as much for the loved ones who waited at home as it is for the guys coming back. If it were up to them, I think some soldiers would just assume skip the event all together. But I think the families need it. I think that not only do they need to know that so many acknowledge, appreciate, and want to celebrate these guys, but I think families also need that closure: the official end to a tough experience. I say this because I think that who you're bringing along with you should be up to both the soldier and spouse.
How you should dress
However you want!! Personally, I dress up. I put on a dress or skirt and heals. I fix my hair; I do my makeup. (This year I actually have a professional doing my make-up because she's FABULOUS: the one and only Molly McWhorter in Longview.) That's me, though. I believe in flying business-casual and sweat-pants stay inside the house! I love getting dressed up for Andy. I get all dolled up for our date nights and events- this is no different. I would like to think that all of the ladies would dress for their husbands for this occasion, but there's not exactly a dress code. Kids, parents, siblings, and friends- come as you'd like. But I do think a patriotic outfit is a great idea. It's fun to be festive!
Ladies, do something special for your guy!
You're going to see this over and over as you Google "preparing for military homecoming", and it's one of the easiest, funnest parts of homecoming. This is where you get to show your soldier your love and appreciation for the first time in a while. You're no longer restricted to love letters and priority mail boxes- so Go. All. Out!:
Have a fridge full of his favorite beer and plenty of his go-to snacks in the pantry. Cook his favorite meal his first night back.
Cover your room in candles and have a romantic playlist ready on your iPhone.
Decorate and celebrate one of the holidays you missed during the deployment (Okay, so you probably won't find a Christmas tree in June, but wrap some presents and play holiday tunes while you eat your traditional Christmas dinner on your festive table setting.) Or hang pink and red heart streamers from your ceiling, throw rose pedals down, and bake conversation heart sugar cookies for dinner, writing your own special message on each one for Valentine's Day.
What you probably don't want to do, however, is anything involving a trip/schedule (ie a hotel room in Dallas with Rangers tickets). He's going to be exhausted, and probably in need of his own bed.. so try and keep it to flexible, low key treats his first few nights home..
They're gonna be late.
Or you're gonna be late, or your kid's gonna have an accident, or you're going to lose your debit card, or you snag your tights, break a heal... This is the Army. We know all to well that things aren't going to go as you planned. But know this: that day, whether it's full of fun laughter, or full of stress and anxiety leading up to that bus pulling in, is going to be perfect. In what world is your soldier returning to your side not perfect?! Don't sweat the small stuff. You may not get the fairy tale, you know, "girl sees boy step off bus, girl runs into his arms and he picks her up, twirling her and kissing her", but when is life ever a fairy tale? We get to get in the car with our husband, son, brother, boyfriend, and we get to drive them HOME.
You're going to see this over and over as you Google "preparing for military homecoming", and it's one of the easiest, funnest parts of homecoming. This is where you get to show your soldier your love and appreciation for the first time in a while. You're no longer restricted to love letters and priority mail boxes- so Go. All. Out!:
Have a fridge full of his favorite beer and plenty of his go-to snacks in the pantry. Cook his favorite meal his first night back.
Cover your room in candles and have a romantic playlist ready on your iPhone.
Decorate and celebrate one of the holidays you missed during the deployment (Okay, so you probably won't find a Christmas tree in June, but wrap some presents and play holiday tunes while you eat your traditional Christmas dinner on your festive table setting.) Or hang pink and red heart streamers from your ceiling, throw rose pedals down, and bake conversation heart sugar cookies for dinner, writing your own special message on each one for Valentine's Day.
What you probably don't want to do, however, is anything involving a trip/schedule (ie a hotel room in Dallas with Rangers tickets). He's going to be exhausted, and probably in need of his own bed.. so try and keep it to flexible, low key treats his first few nights home..
They're gonna be late.
Or you're gonna be late, or your kid's gonna have an accident, or you're going to lose your debit card, or you snag your tights, break a heal... This is the Army. We know all to well that things aren't going to go as you planned. But know this: that day, whether it's full of fun laughter, or full of stress and anxiety leading up to that bus pulling in, is going to be perfect. In what world is your soldier returning to your side not perfect?! Don't sweat the small stuff. You may not get the fairy tale, you know, "girl sees boy step off bus, girl runs into his arms and he picks her up, twirling her and kissing her", but when is life ever a fairy tale? We get to get in the car with our husband, son, brother, boyfriend, and we get to drive them HOME.
Welcome to the downhill, Bravo guys and girls. We're not quite at the end, but the light is definitely at the end of the tunnel and it's becoming brighter and brighter each day. If you're like me, you're probably crawling out of your skin with anticipation and excitement, so keep yourself busy, and start making and executing those plans for the big arrival that's upon us.
It's going to be a great year:)
M.
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