For me and my fellow Bravo family members, homecoming is right around the corner. I'm getting more and more calls, texts, and e-mails filled with questions about what to expect with the ceremony, and what reintegration can entail. So I thought now is a great time to share some of my opinions and tips. I have quite a bit to say about each, so for now I'll stick to before the bus pulls in. First of all, it's important to know that when we begin nearing the end of a deployment,

Everybody is on edge..
    The guys are exhausted. They're wrapping up, say 9 months in a foreign country, likely having been performing mundane tasks day in and day out those months. They've been surrounded by the same guys, eating the same crummy food, and sleeping in the same uncomfortable bed for too long, and they're beat. They're ready to be home. And we're ready for them to be! We've been alone for 9 months (longer including training). Basically, emotions are high right now. Between exhaustion, anxiety, and excitement, we're all on the brink of a melt down! You begin to argue with one another. You may snap at someone for looking at you the wrong way. You may cry at some sappy commercial that you've seen 1,000 times and never been affected in the past. You're not going crazy!! What most people don't realize is that getting ready for a homecoming is stressful. (The nursing student in me really wants to tell you about the way stress affects hormones and what you're body is doing, but my family has made it clear to me that my science and anatomy "fun facts of the day" are not in fact "fun", and so I imagine this might not be as exciting to most of you all as it is to me:)
    Think about it: we've settled into this new routine (that was a You-Know-What to settle into, by the way) and now it's going to be rearranged all over again. We're thinking things like, "How is he going to act when he comes home?", "Are things going to go back to normal?", "Will he be different?",  "Will I?".
We're anticipating (not so patiently) the moment that we've been building up in our heads for months as it's finally approaching. It's exciting, it's nerve-wracking, and, as crazy as it sounds, it can be a little scary. If you notice you're more easily aggravated, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you're alone. Also...

 It's okay to be nervous!!
    In fact, it's a little great to be nervous! How many women do you know that can say that after 10, 5, even 2 years of marriage they get excited- I'm talking knots in their stomachs and shaky hands- when they see their husbands? How many people do you know who get to feel so moved by just the sight of their spouse that it brings them to tears? Outside of the military community, I know about zero. Embrace that feeling! Love that feeling! As I said in a recent post, we get the first kiss all over again. It's new and it's familiar at the same time, and it's perfect. We get to hold hands for the first time in months. The first date night feels like a first date. It's hard to explain- but after so much time apart, though you know your spouse, you kind of get to know them all over again. Things are different after a deployment. People are different. There's a reintegration process where you're learning how to be married and coexist all over again.. but I'm kind of getting off topic, and reintegration is a beast in and of itself that I'll talk about later. The point is- there's a lot to be anxious and nervous about, but focus on the exciting nervous part. And enjoy it!

Banners and Balloons
    If you are the wife that pulls up with banners and balloons for your husband- I think that's fantastic! I am right there with you! They're not everybody's style, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I enjoy making them and showing them off. Last deployment my mother in law and I sat in her basement and decorated posters for his entire family to hold and we had a fantastic time! This time around I'm planning on getting together with some of the other family members and decorating signs. It's a good time, and a great opportunity to hash out those feelings of excitement and nervousness you're feeling with people in the same boat. Keep in mind, though- at the redeployment ceremony there will be TONS of people hunting for their loved ones! Everybody is just as anxious to see his/her soldier step off that bus, so TRY to be mindful of obstructing others' view too much...

Guests at the Ceremony   
    There are a couple of theories on who "should" and "shouldn't" be at the ceremony. Some say if you're married, leave the in-laws at home and let that be your time with your spouse. Some say bring everybody, including your neighbor, and share the joy and excitement. There are some that think you should leave the kids with a sitter, and others are adamant about their attendance. I say, "to each his own". You and your soldier talk about it and decide who you want to be there with you, if anybody. Sure, get opinions or experiences from other military families if you want- but don't let someone tell you who you need to invite or leave at home. And, though I'm sure some disagree with me, I think that ceremony is as much for the loved ones who waited at home as it is for the guys coming back. If it were up to them, I think some soldiers would just assume skip the event all together. But I think the families need it. I think that not only do they need to know that so many acknowledge, appreciate, and want to celebrate these guys, but I think families also need that closure: the official end to a tough experience. I say this because I think that who you're bringing along with you should be up to both the soldier and spouse.

How you should dress
    However you want!! Personally, I dress up. I put on a dress or skirt and heals. I fix my hair; I do my makeup. (This year I actually have a professional doing my make-up because she's FABULOUS: the one and only Molly McWhorter in Longview.) That's me, though. I believe in flying business-casual and sweat-pants stay inside the house! I love getting dressed up for Andy. I get all dolled up for our date nights and events- this is no different. I would like to think that all of the ladies would dress for their husbands for this occasion, but there's not exactly a dress code. Kids, parents, siblings, and friends- come as you'd like. But I do think a patriotic outfit is a great idea. It's fun to be festive!

Ladies, do something special for your guy!
    You're going to see this over and over as you Google "preparing for military homecoming", and it's one of the easiest, funnest parts of homecoming. This is where you get to show your soldier your love and appreciation for the first time in a while. You're no longer restricted to love letters and priority mail boxes- so Go. All. Out!:
   Have a fridge full of his favorite beer and plenty of his go-to snacks in the pantry. Cook his favorite meal his first night back.
    Cover your room in candles and have a romantic playlist ready on your iPhone.
    Decorate and celebrate one of the holidays you missed during the deployment (Okay, so you probably won't find a Christmas tree in June, but wrap some presents and play holiday tunes while you eat your traditional Christmas dinner on your festive table setting.) Or hang pink and red heart streamers from your ceiling, throw rose pedals down, and bake conversation heart sugar cookies for dinner, writing your own special message on each one for Valentine's Day.
    What you probably don't want to do, however, is anything involving a trip/schedule (ie a hotel room in Dallas with Rangers tickets). He's going to be exhausted, and probably in need of his own bed.. so try and keep it to flexible, low key treats his first few nights home..
  
They're gonna be late.
    Or you're gonna be late, or your kid's gonna have an accident, or you're going to lose your debit card, or you snag your tights, break a heal... This is the Army. We know all to well that things aren't going to go as you planned. But know this: that day, whether it's full of fun laughter, or full of stress and anxiety leading up to that bus pulling in, is going to be perfect. In what world is your soldier returning to your side not perfect?! Don't sweat the small stuff. You may not get the fairy tale, you know, "girl sees boy step off bus, girl runs into his arms and he picks her up, twirling her and kissing her", but when is life ever a fairy tale? We get to get in the car with our husband, son, brother, boyfriend, and we get to drive them HOME.

    Welcome to the downhill, Bravo guys and girls. We're not quite at the end, but the light is definitely at the end of the tunnel and it's becoming brighter and brighter each day. If you're like me, you're probably crawling out of your skin with anticipation and excitement, so keep yourself busy, and start making and executing those plans for the big arrival that's upon us.

It's going to be a great year:)





M.

    The holiday season is such a magical one! The towns are lit with Christmas lights, a tree fills your home with the smell of Christmas, and people are generally in a better mood. I love, love, love the holiday season. I am totally that girl who wants my Pandora Christmas station playing around the clock, the tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving, and I spend hours wrapping the prettiest presents I can. That is unless my better half is half way across the world.. then, the holiday season looks a little different to me.
    This season is all about spending time with the ones you love. Families come together and share stories and memories over a delicious meal. Growing up, my parents took us to my grandmother's house every year for Thanksgiving, where her daughters cooked while their children played outside. It was the idyllic American Thanksgiving that we spent with my mom's side of the family. Christmas was my dad's parent's holiday. We went to their house every Christmas Eve night. My Grammy spent the entire day cooking her traditional California Christmas Dinner and my cousin's, aunts, and uncles all devoured it, scattered throughout the living and dining rooms while talking and laughing. (My dad's side of the family is sarcastic and witty.. always tons of laughter)
    The point is- the holidays are all about the people you spend them with. I don't remember much about the gifts growing up; I remember the time with my family. So there's a certain amount of dread we feel on the home front as the holidays approach us. When our husbands, sons, brothers are away on this Bravo deployment, the Christmas lights aren't as pretty, the music isn't as fun, and the conversations aren't as bright.
Silver Lining- lots of fun ways to get your soldier feeling the holiday season while he/she's away! This is what I've done so far for Andy-

    Keep in mind to send your Christmas packages at least 3 weeks in advance. The mail typically slows down this time of year because more is going out, stateside and overseas.
    If you're spending the season with your loved ones, remember to be thankful for that. Don't take that gift for granted, because there are so many this holiday season that are thousands of miles away from theirs and aren't so Merry and Bright.
    And keep soldiers and their families in your prayers this holiday season. Pray for the father who doesn't get to see his children's faces light up opening gifts on Christmas morning. Pray for the husband who has spent more Christmas mornings away from his wife than he has with her. Pray for the mother who is spending her first Christmas apart from her 18 year old son.
    My Bravo family, and all others spending this season minus one, fill your time surrounding yourself with those you love. And keep your eyes on the prize! Our homecoming ceremony is right around the corner, and another Thanksgiving and Christmas will come. And it will be all the more joyous next year.




M.

Well today I am really missing my husband. (I mean, obviously I do everyday, but some days are just harder than others. This is one of those days.)

When I find myself feeling super alone I do
2 things: I read his deployment letters over
and over and over,
then over again...

...and I daydream about his homecoming/play out his last one in my head. I look through the pictures we took at his last homecoming. I hired a photographer- which I HIGHLY recommend if you can do it- so I have tons of amazing shots of us seeing each other/hugging/kissing for the first time. I can almost feel that happiness just looking at those pictures. My girl, Brooke, took some outstanding pictures of the event.

 There's no feeling quite like welcoming your soldier home. You are so full of excitement, pride, joy, and nerves..
From the moment you see that bus pull in, to your soldier stepping out, to the moment you feel his arms around you for the first time in months- your heart is so full of this beautiful euphoria that I'm afraid words cannot do justice. At that moment you've made it. You struggled through 6 months, 9 months, a year of lonely nights, tearful holidays, and dateless events and now he's finally back by your side. It's a tough role we play at home and it takes a lot of strength that you don't know you have until you have to have it. And you're proud of yourself for that.
You're so proud to be one of the few who has a soldier running up to you. People come from the town and surrounding towns to welcome guys home and witness this occasion, so you get to hold your head so high when you've got your hand in a returning soldier's.
And remember that first kiss you had with your partner? Well, we get all over again. I remember on our first deployment when Andy came home on leave after being gone for 10 months I had butterflies going 90 to nothing as I stood at the gate watching his plane pull up. I laid eyes on him and immediately tears filled my eyes.
I really do wish everybody could experience this overwhelming perfection that we feel with our spouse in that moment.
Wow..

So if you're getting ready for a big homecoming here are a couple of quick resources:

Build a Sign offers free homecoming signs for soldiers
After Deployment is a great website filled with assessments, videos and workshops related to different aspects of redeployment for both you and your returning soldier. (I'll share this again in the future when I do a blog on reintegration)
Aaaaaaand, nursery furniture/decor ;)


For those of you going through this Bravo deployment with me, we're on the downhill! Every night marks another day down. Live it and love it ladies- we are blessed. It won't be too long before we're welcoming our boys home and in a state of complete and utter bliss.


Live this life.Love this life!
M.

I really wish Hubs liked eating baked goods as much as I like making them, because he's got lots coming! I put together my Halloween box today and filled it with all sorts of yummy treats. Pinterest was a big help putting together this box..

And there you have it, friends. One Halloween goodie box. There are lots of ways you could go with these. You could get every kind of Halloween candy and stick it in a homemade trick-or-treat bucket. (Fun project for the kids of you've got 'em.) You can send it after Halloween with lots of pictures of you and your kids in costume and some trick-or-treat candy that the kids wanted to share from their night. Also- I've got some orange Gatorade in there (orange for Halloween, of course,) but mostly because Gatorade is an inside joke for us that pretty much kicked off our relationship. So that being said, I encourage you all to add as many items that remind him of good times you had together as you can. A little inside joke, a ticket stub, a story in a letter, pictures of a vacation you guys took together- anything that brings him home for a second.

Happy Halloween, everybody!



M.

A fellow Bravo wife told me that she was asked how she can stay faithful during a deployment. For those of you who aren't married to the military/haven't been through a deployment please heed my advice: don't ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, ask an Army Wife that. Ever. Here's why:

We all hear those stories- girl sends soldier off to war. Girl finds new boyfriend and takes off with boyfriend and soldier's money. Yes, it happens. Almost every deployment it happens.. and yes, it's despicable. But it's a small percentage of people that do it, and chances are the person you know who's husband is deployed is NOT planning, or even tempted to do that. Chances are this Army Wife married her soldier because she loves him. Chances are this Army Wife respects, adores and cherishes her husband. When you've got all of those factors in a relationship distance is irrelevant when it comes to fidelity. If a girl's going to cheat on her guy it's not BECAUSE he's deployed. Sure, it makes it easier. But understand that it in absolutely no way makes it tempting.

My friend's exact words were, "The thought never even crosses my mind. I get tempted by chocolate, shoes, and handbags- not by men. I have so much on my mind. I have 3 men on my mind 24/7 and I don't have room for any others and don't want any others"  (she's a mom of 2 boys;)
She also said told me she didn't understand why people would throw their marriage away so easily unless it was in trouble in the first place.

And that's just it. If someone is cheating it's an indication of a troubled marriage (or person, I guess). And that applies to military couples as well. Yes, there is loneliness. Yes, we miss that affection, falling asleep beside that warm body, and, you know, uhum, the other stuff.. but that doesn't make us want to cheat. It only intensifies feelings that are already there in some. Again, deployments in absolutely no way make cheating tempting!!

Hubs compared it to a thief. He said if someone wants that stereo out of your car he's going to take it. If the window is down it makes it a lot easier. A cheater is going to cheat. Whether a soldier is away or at home, she's going to cheat. All that distance does it make it easier.

I am so incredibly blessed to have the marriage that I do. I'm madly in love with my best friend. We have absolute faith in each other and a foundation that can sustain anything. And when you have a rock solid marriage and you make each other happy the temptation just isn't there. Distance or no distance. It's that simple.

On another note: I am loving the e-mails and messages I'm getting from you guys!! A lot of you are asking for more boxes and I promise I'll have some soon! I've got all sorts of ideas, just not so much time:/ Soon, though!!!




M.

Hi, guys!

Hubs hasn't been receiving mail for a little bit because of some mail-room transitioning, so I've not been able to put a box together for him for a few weeks! I was super excited this weekend to play catch up and work on some minor projects to have ready for him when the mail room opens back up.

I wanted to make the "I" "Miss" "You" signs and take some selfies with them, but then I realized I know someone WAY cuter who would pull the pictures off much better (and Andy would probably enjoy them a little more;) That would be my amazingly beautiful nephew! So we did a little photo shoot! My dad has a super fancy, amazing camera and I am addicted to Photoshop, so this has probably been my favorite deployment project so far..

That's it for now, friends! I hope everybody had a smooth and steady "BACK TO SCHOOL!!" week last week! I'm drowning in homework and studying, myself- and loving the distraction! (This is the first and only time you'll ever hear me admit to loving homework... The things deployments do to us.... ;)




M.

Well, folks, I was recently the target of some false information/rumors amongst the wives of my husband's company. It had to do with breaking rules of communication and I was attacked for doing something I simply have not done.This is the kind of thing that comes with deployments (or being involved with large groups of people for that matter) and so I think now is a good time to address the issue.
Honestly, I had no idea how to handle it. First of all- the information was absolutely, 100% false. This was either coming from a rumor set off my one soldier, spread to many, who in turn sent that out to the wives and put them on the attack, or just some confusion: guys putting someone else's face with my husband's name. Whatever the case- I was put in a situation where I was getting nasty messages full of accusations that were hurtful and untrue. (And a lot of it was done on a public forum). The first thing I did was gather the information. Why did they think this was happening and where did it start? Then I tried to defend myself. As I said, the accusations were false, so I tried to set the record straight. Unfortunately that did not get me far.
The next thing I did was reach out to others. One of the unit wives saw the public conversation where my name was (again, FALSELY) thrown out and she called me. I was just seeing and processing what was happening so I was still pretty shaken up. She calmed me down and helped me process. I then went through my chain of command on getting to the root of these rumors and shutting them down. Here's the thing: I am an avid believer in getting to the root of ANY issue and finding the solution. In deployments these kinds of things can really tear down morale amongst family members, and in turn deployed soldiers.  Now my husband is worried about me back home, and that will affect his morale. So my point is this: First of all- DON'T ATTACK OTHERS. Don't gossip. It's poison. I don't care if you witnessed something personally- it does nobody any good to share harmful information. But if you're spreading hearsay you're very likely hurting someone's reputation for no reason. Gossip has the potential to break down a person or a group of people, and often times it is just not warranted (like in my situation). Let's be mindful of the harm it can cause and be better than pointing fingers based on things we have heard.
That being said: when you are hit with an untrue rumor about yourself- call your support network. Let them talk you off of that ledge that it's bound to put you on and let them help you process how you want to deal with it. And if it's the kind of rumor that can get someone in trouble- go through your chain of command. Call your FRG Phone Tree person or your FRG Leader. Command takes things like that pretty seriously- and depending on the degree of severity/where this is starting, they may address and squash it on a unit level. Get in front of the situation and control it before it controls you.

I am so thankful to those in my life who lift me up, and those who helped me through a very rough morning when I was blindsided.. Find your uplifting support network and drown yourself in them. Stay away from those who are quick to talk and do not let them break you when they start using your name in their rumors.

We have to be in each others corners, ladies.. especially through deployments!

    Let me start by saying there is an overwhelming amount of resources out there for military and their families! From free babysitting services, to free entry into National Parks, to free counseling, there is a WORLD of support from people all over the place who want to help. This is my second deployment and I've just learned that half of these even exist! So I want to share some of those resources with you guys. I want to get the word out that people want us to take advantage of these awesome benefits they're offering.
    We are kind of conditioned to be independent and take care of ourselves when our guys are gone. It's what comes with the role of being a military spouse. Our partner is gone and we're left on our own to take care of everything (which we're happy to do because we LOVE THIS LIFE, right??;)) We're strong women who send off our husbands and take care of the home-front- we don't need help. Well, let's face it: sometimes we do. Sometimes a little relief is just what we need to step back, take a breath and revamp.
    Half the time when I tell someone my husband is deployed I get a hug, some tears and a sincere thank you. People are truly grateful for what my husband and his brothers (and sisters) in arms do, and they feel compelled to support us. There are people who offer their help to be polite, but most of the time they offer it because they really do want to!! So let them. Let them bring you dinner one night. Let them babysit your children so you can get a pedicure (or just walk around Target by yourself for an hour!) Let them mow your yard, shovel your driveway- whatever. Let them help.

    So! That being said: I'm going to list a few super helpful resources out there for military families.
MilitaryOneSource is basically your one stop shop for resources. You can find just about anything you need on this site. (For FREE!) Here you've got counseling sessions, health and wellness coaches, and a plethora of sites and companies wanting to help you.
ArmyOneSource is another great site I encourage you to check out.
Also- USAA = Incredible company!
Active Duty Military and dependents- go get your FREE National Park Annual Pass!!!

    For those of you with children some good sites to check out:
SitterCity is a website dedicated to finding babysitters for families. Babysitters upload their information onto the site and go through a background check, and parents looking for sitters can browse those babysitters. The site is free for military families.
ChildCareAware is a program that aids in day care. The program pays at least some in child care for working parents whose spouse is deployed. This also applies to private schools!!

    For parents of soldiers:
GoArmy site has stories, answers and articles about your child being in the military.


    Let's not forget our (in my opinion) strongest and most valuable resource- EACH OTHER.  I might be a little biased- being the FRG leader for Hub's unit- but take advantage of your local
Family Readiness Group. Get involved!! I just came from a training event where I got to meet with other spouses and family members of our soldiers. The entire 3 hour drive home all I could think about was "how blessed am I to be a part of such a unique and incredible community?!" We always hear about the camaraderie among soldiers, but we have that, too. We, at home, are experiencing these events and emotions that only we, at home, understand. Let's lean on each other. Let's cry together about the hardships we endure. Let's laugh together about "that one time we tried using a calendar" ;) Let's encourage each other when we know exactly what each other is going through and what it takes to get through it. Let's ask for and lend helping hands amongst ourselves. This is exactly what FRG is for. We're in this together- let's get through it together.



M.

Hi, friends!

Well Hubs mentioned last week that because of his shift he's getting up when his base is serving dinner! (Apparently it's a little hard to stomach chicken wings and french fries as soon as he gets up..:) I would give anything to take him warm, freshly made breakfast in bed, but I can't see the army okaying that one. So I'm doing the next best thing and sending him all the over-processed, sugary, yummy breakfast foods I can get into 1 box!!

The CD is a mix of songs that make me think of him and new songs that he hasn't heard and doesn't have access to. This particular mix had songs like America The Beautiful (Miranda and Blake cover: AMAZING), See You Again by Carrie Underwood- (I wish I could send him the video- a must see for military wives if you ask me) Gone Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips, Miles by Christina Perry (the lyrics to both are great deployment lyrics IMO) and a few other goodies. I love sending him songs.. old ones that remind me of a certain event or fun time we had together, and new songs that have come out during the deployment that I think he would like..

My favorite verse through deployment:
                       “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” Romans 12:12.



M.

Greetings!
I hope everybody had a wonderful 4th of July last week! I visited my in-laws in Minnesota and spent the weekend at their cabin on the river up north. We had a fantastic time blowing off fireworks, laying out on our tubes in the river and most importantly, honoring our soldier. I know a lot of my fellow Bravo wives had a tough time with this 4th- as celebrating our soldiers without our soldiers is NOT so fun! But we got through it and are looking forward to being with them for the next one. (Can I get a HOOAH!)
Well you guys know I had to do a 4th of July box! I did something a little different than I had originally planned. I intended on sending a super patriotic box filled with lots of red white and blue candies, decorations and movies. Instead I took lots of pictures of MY 4th of July with his family in hopes it will give him a sence of being a part of it.

And here's our "Cabin Fun" 4th of July box! I didn't get a picture of it after I packed it- oops! It was another miscellaneous box. I threw in toiletries like toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, contact solution, etc. It's super dry out there so I got him some good conditioner and lotion, too. I also put lots of fitness mags and protein bars. I couldn't help but add some travel magazines as well because, well, we live to travel! And of course, cards, letters and PICTURES!

Thank you for reading and thank you to all the spouses out there who make sacrifices for our country! We ARE ARMY STRONG!



M.